Bonjour tout le monde   j'espère que vous allez bien!
 
J'aimerai avoir votre avis pour me dire si cette lettre de motivation est correcte en anglais dans le cas contraire de bien vouloir m'indiquer les rectifications a apporter.
 
Merci d'avance!
Bonne fin de journée!
 
 
"
 
 Madam, Sir,
 
 
 
  I present myself; my name is Caroline Dah, I am 19 years-old, I live in France in Méry sur Oise.
I am currently in the first year of license in psychology.
 
 
  I am writing to you because I would like to become an au pair in England, during eight months from September 2008 to May 2009.
 
 
  I have already some experiences in child care.
Indeed, I have worked in a municipal nursery in 2005 for my college course, where I had to take care of  more than twenty children younger than three years with two colleagues. We organized games, we helped them to eat and to sleep, and we changed their diapers.
Then, from 2004 to 2006, I took care of two children aged 3 and 5 years on several occasions for mornings, afternoons and nights.
From April to June 2008, I baby-sat randomly of a child aged  2 years in the late afternoon. I would pick up him to his child minder, I would give him something to eat, I would wash him and I would wait the return of his parents.
Besides, I attended a training course of baby-sitting dispensed by a nursery nurse dependent on the municipal nursery.
Finally, my mother is a child minder from 0000.
I always helped her to baby-sit, and I learned a lot from her expertise and her love for children.
 
 
  It will be beneficial to me to become an au pair because aptitude and discoveries that I will acquire correspond to my desires and my future plans.
To begin, I would like to improve my English speaking, to become bilingual. It is indispensable for me because I would like to work in Ethnic Tourism.
One of the particularities of Ethnic Tourism is cultural exchange. That's what fascinates me. This notion corresponds to my desires. During my language-learning trip, I want to discover English culture, another way of life, new person and London.
Also, I would like to acquire independence by leaving my family, and  learning to manage me alone. This will benefit me in my futur professional field.
 
 
  I have several centres of interest.
To begin, I love going to the cinema. Next, trips are activities that fascinate me. Then, I appreciate also going out with my friends. In this last activity I particularly enjoy planning events and discovering original environments.
Also, I like spending a whole day to visit museums and exhibitions in Paris.  It is very rewarding.
Finally, in order to keep fit, I used to swim and to do body-building.
 
 
Yours truly.
 
"

Bonjour,
Avant toute chose, il faut savoir si vous vous adressez à une personne privée ou à un bureau de recrutement. 1°)cas: Dear Madam , Dear Sir.
2°)cas: To the Director of the ...(nom de l'agence ou socièté) et ligne suivante, Dear Madam, Dear Sir.
[I (present) introduce myself:] #pas obligatoire# My name is Caroline Dah, I am 19 years-old, I live in France in Méry sur Oise, not far from Paris,northway.  
I am (currently in the first year of license in) studying psychology First Year in ...(nom et ville de l'université)  
  I am (writing to you) looking for (because I would like to become) an au-pair job in England, (during) for eight months from September 2008 to May 2009.  
   I already have (already) some experiences in child care as  
(Indeed,) I have worked in a city (municipal) nursery [attention: nursery=infirmière] in 2005 during (for) my secondary (college) [college=université] course, where I had to take care of  more than twenty children (younger than) up to three years old with two of my colleagues. We organized games, we helped them to eat, look after them during their (to) sleep, and we changed their diapers.  
Then, from 2004 to 2006, I took care of two children aged 3 and 5 years on several occasions in the (for) morning(s) or afternoon(s) or (and) at night(s).  
From April to June 2008, I "baby-sit" (randomly of a child aged) a 2 years old child in the (afternoon) evening. I use to (would) pick  him up (him) to his child minder, (I would give him something to eat) to feed him, (I would) to wash him and I (would wait) stay with him untill (the return of) his parents come back.(.......)  
Besides, I attended a training course of baby-sitting dispensed by a nursery nurse dependent on the municipal nursery.  
Finally, my mother is a child minder from 0000.  
I always helped her to baby-sit, and I learned a lot from her expertise and her love for children.  
 
 
  It will be beneficial to me to become an au pair because aptitude and discoveries that I will acquire correspond to my desires and my future plans.  
To begin, I would like to improve my English speaking, to become bilingual. It is indispensable for me because I would like to work in Ethnic Tourism.  
One of the particularities of Ethnic Tourism is cultural exchange. That's what fascinates me. This notion corresponds to my desires. During my language-learning trip, I want to discover English culture, another way of life, new person and London.  
Also, I would like to acquire independence by leaving my family, and  learning to manage me alone. This will benefit me in my futur professional field.  
 
 
  I have several centres of interest.  
To begin, I love going to the cinema. Next, trips are activities that fascinate me. Then, I appreciate also going out with my friends. In this last activity I particularly enjoy planning events and discovering original environments.  
Also, I like spending a whole day to visit museums and exhibitions in Paris.  It is very rewarding.  
Finally, in order to keep fit, I used to swim and to do body-building.  
 
Sincerely Yours (truly).  
 
 
Excusez-moi je dois partir, et malheureusement je ne sais quand je rentrerai. Bonne chance !!!!!!

Je trouve ta lettre plutot pas mal, en sachant que tu veux etre au pair et qu on ne te demande pas de parler super bien anglais des le debut, tu es la pour apprendre.
 
Tres bien le passage sur le Ethnic tourism.
La fin est pas top, finir sur le body-building ca fait bizarre quand meme !

Merci beaucoup pour votre aide et pour vos commentaires

Dans l'ensemble c'est franchement pas mal, pour une fois que ça n'est pas fait avec un traducteur automatique..
 
Deux remarques sur l'ensemble, pour l'avenir : les structures peut-être un peu trop scolaires (indeed, then, besides, finally) qui saccadent un peu le tout, ainsi que les phrases courtes (that's what fascinates me / ... desires) qui peuvent être raccordées aux précédentes pour la même raison.
 
Sinon tu peux envoyer ça sans crainte, on ne te demande pas d'avoir un anglais hors pair (pour faire du au pair.. omg je sors) et c'est pas mal dans l'ensemble. C'est pas partout parfaite mais c'est honnete.
 
ps : nursery = crèche (en british-english tu peux aussi utiliser crèche pour les enfants en bas age). infirmière = nurse

La structure de la lettre me semble très scolaire et manque d'expressions liants vos différentes phrases.
 
mais à mon sens ça traduit le niveau de votre anglais et c'est un avantage pour l'employeur dans la mesure où vous comptez sur vous même.
 
bonne chance