Lettre de motivation en Anglais :) need help !

Lettre de motivation en Anglais :) need help ! - Aide aux devoirs - Emploi & Etudes

Marsh Posté le 11-03-2008 à 16:34:59    

Bonjour à toutes et à tous, je viens solliciter votre aide dans l'urgence. Je dois rendre vendredi une lettre de motivation pour mon dossier de candidature à un programme d'échange avec une université Anglaise. J'ai donc rédiger cette lettre mais je souhaite que l'on me la corrige. Pourriez-vous m'aider svp ! :)  
MERCI par avance.
 
Voici la lettre en question:
 
 
Dear Sir or Madam
 
After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations of the Nantes Institute of Economic and Management (IEMN), on the opportunities offered to the students concerning studying abroad, I decided to fill in an application form.
 
Being nowadays in “licence en science de gestion” (equivalents to a Bachelor’s degree in Management), I would like to specialize myself in the International Management. In this field an English good level is recommended and I think it is indispensable to be able to talk it. I study English since the school, and I realized that the best way to master a language was to go in a country to communicate with the inhabitants, and studying in this language.  
 
Moreover, to be able to adapt and to develop a broader outlook on the world, are, to my mind, two important qualities for my future profession in Management.
Having already accomplished some travel in various countries abroad as Italia, United-States… I think I have developed a capacity of adaptation, but I want to discover new ways of working.
 
Dundee is a city which attracts me, due to its history, its culture and Scientifics activities. Its rich architecture is a further argument that convinces me to choose this destination.
Worker and sociable, I want to come to your university to give me more personal and professional enrichment.
 
 
Yours faithfully,

 
Xxxxx XXXXXX

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Marsh Posté le 11-03-2008 à 16:34:59   

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Marsh Posté le 11-03-2008 à 16:49:01    

bah comme toutes les textes en anglais rédigés par des francais :
 
ca fait trop francais traduit (presque) mot à mot . Certaines tournures de phrase sont typiquement francaises.
 
exemple bete :

Citation :

Dundee is a city which attracts me


 
pourquoi faire compliqué quand on peut faire simple
 
I like Dundee (City) because blablabla...

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Marsh Posté le 11-03-2008 à 20:27:19    

Ok, mais encore ?

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Marsh Posté le 11-03-2008 à 20:42:04    

Dundee is an attractive city.

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Marsh Posté le 12-03-2008 à 15:02:52    

Relis-toi pour commencer: "to talk it", "I study English since the school"...

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Marsh Posté le 12-03-2008 à 15:47:50    

C'est bien de vouloir partir, ton anglais est pas mal mais sent encore le franglish à plein nez. C'est surtout les problèmes de conjugaison les plus gênants (le "I study english since school" ). Corrigé en vitesse :
 

Citation :

Dear Sir or Madam,
 
After discussing the opportunities offered to the students to study abroad with the person in charge of International Relations at the Nantes Institute of Economic and Management (IEMN), I decided to fill in an application form.
 
Currently a student in “licence en science de gestion” (equivalents to a Bachelor’s degree in Management), I would like to specialize in International Management. In this field it is recommended to be proficient in English and I think it is indispensable to be able to speak it fluently. I've studied English since primary school, and I think that the best way to master a language is to stay in the country to communicate with the inhabitants and to follow courses in this language.  
 
Moreover, the ability to adapt and to develop a broader outlook on the world are two important qualities for my future job in Management.
Having already traveled in various countries such as Italia, the United States, and so on, I think I have developped a capacity for adaptation, but I still want to discover new ways of working.
 
Dundee is an attractive city, due to its history, its culture and scientific life. The richness of the city's architecture is a further argument driving me to choose this destination.
Hardworking and sociable, I would be honoured to come to your University and benefit from this experience both personally and a professionally.  
 
Yours faithfully,
 
Xxxxx XXXXXX

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Marsh Posté le 12-03-2008 à 22:00:35    

Merci beaucoup, votre aide m'est précieuse.

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Marsh Posté le 12-03-2008 à 23:38:52    

Pour avoir vécu à Dundee, c'est pas du tout une "attractive city"... :lol:  
Et je sais pas où tu as vu que l'architecture de la ville était riche! :ouch:  


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Il est souvent nécessaire d'entreprendre pour espérer et de persévérer pour réussir.
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Marsh Posté le 13-03-2008 à 02:44:07    

Éventuellement il peut parler de la richesse du programme qu'il aspire à intégrer :D


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Technique maquereau | ECNSP | Fructifier son argent avec les branques
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